Today(or rather yesterday), i think i really did something stupid..
I took the wrong bus... and it lead me to Toa Payoh.
When i realize it, i panicked. Suddenly, i miss that someone. Cause me and him usually get missing :P . OK FINE! we are road idiots! But he will also be there giving me secure feelings. OH WELL! it's the past... But i was so scare till i almost cried. Maybe... I relied on him too much.. But it has been months that i contacted him face to face. I wish i can stop thinking about him or at least now.
Sometimes, i still crave for relationship. After i think carefully, i doesnt want to commit now. I love my freedom, but bored of my routine life. I throw all my energy into Idols, being more obsess with them. But would anyone truly understand what i feeling? Cause, i doesnt even know it myself... I'm lost.
I admit, i have too many personality until i cant figure out which is the real me. He is always my pillar, suddenly i took away the pillar. Now i feeling trembling, i'm gonna fall apart soon but i doesnt want to find him back, i doesnt want to cling on to him.
There's a few time, when i reaching home, walking pass the play ground at night. I would smile to myself cause i remember how we use to be. Sometimes he would hold me preventing me from falling so i can lift my head and watch all those stars as well as counting. I know he doesnt treat me the way i wish he did, he just gave me extra care cause he knew how i was in my family, he knew all he did was just brotherly love. But he never know, whatever he did... It just digging deeper into my memories and heart.
I miss him, and those times but... things wont be the same again.
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